


Twice Blessed

by chellefic



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M, First Time, M/M, McShep Match Challenge 2009, Multi, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-14
Updated: 2009-09-14
Packaged: 2017-10-31 21:35:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/348589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chellefic/pseuds/chellefic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even when things are peaceful, John can't seem to keep from doing dangerous things.</p>
<p>For Team Peace and the prompt of "coup de grace."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twice Blessed

Coup de grâce - French. Literally, a stroke of mercy. 1: a deathblow or death shot administered to end the suffering of one mortally wounded; 2: a decisive finishing blow, act, or event;   
\--Merriam Webster Dictionary

The quality of mercy is not strain'd,  
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven  
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:  
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.   
\-- William Shakespeare

***

John rubbed his hands on the legs of his jeans. He couldn't believe he'd let Rodney talk him into this. It was crazy. Nuts. Dangerous. So John didn't always shy away from doing things that were crazy and dangerous, and Rodney had been looking at him with those damn blue eyes of his and that vulnerable, hopeful look, and John had caved.

It wasn't too late to change his mind. He could go back to his quarters and radio Rodney, claim to be sick.

Except Keller was a doctor and they'd probably show up to check on him.

Nothing to do but man up and do it.

After wiping his hands one last time, John lifted one to the chime. The door slid open.

"Oh, good, you're here," Rodney said as John stepped into the room. "Jennifer should be here any minute."

John nodded, taking in the changes to Rodney's quarters. He'd traded in his twin bed for one that looked to be queen size. Covered with a deep blue comforter, it dominated the room. Getting laid on a regular basis required a decent-sized bed, John supposed. There were lit candles grouped together on the side table in the kind of arrangement John had learned from Nancy appeared random, but wasn't. The lights had been dimmed.

"You've done this before, right?" Rodney asked.

John raised an eyebrow with a casualness he didn't feel. "Had sex?"

Rodney's eyes narrowed and John smiled. "The threesome thing," Rodney said.

"Once."

"How was it?"

"Okay," John answered, keeping his voice neutral and hoping Rodney was too nervous to notice. The last thing he'd wanted to discuss was that night, especially now. "I think it helps if you do some drinking first."

"Right," Rodney said, moving toward his small refrigerator. "I have wine." Bending over, he withdrew a bottle from the fridge, then stood, turning to face John while glancing to the side probably in search of the corkscrew sitting on top of the refrigerator.

Crossing the room, John picked up the corkscrew. "Here."

"Oh, thanks," Rodney said. Holding the wine in one hand and the corkscrew in the other, Rodney looked from one to the other as if he'd never opened a bottle of wine before.

"It helps if you take the plastic off first." Taking the bottle, John began to tug on the plastic covering the cork.

"It'll be fine, right? You're... we're... you and I, we're good and Jennifer's great. Really. I know you haven't been around her as much as I have, but --"

"Rodney," John said, squeezing Rodney's shoulder with his free hand. "It'll be fine. We'll all have a good time." John would make sure of it for Rodney's sake, even if he wasn't entirely sure how he'd make sure of it..

"Right. Of course we will." Rodney's eyes caught John's. Rodney was close enough that John could feel the heat coming off him. They'd stood more closely together than this, but now they were going to do all kinds of crazy, dangerous things, and John wasn't sure if he was too close or not close enough.

The door chimed.

"Come in," Rodney called, bustling toward the door.

Keller entered, still dressed in her uniform. Rodney immediately pulled her into a hug. John looked away.

"We were just opening the wine," Rodney said.

John held up the bottle when they looked his way and smiled, hoping it didn't look as strained as it felt.

"Wine would be good," Keller said. "It was a long day."

"Problems?" John asked.

Keller shook her head. "Nothing more than usual," she said, crossing to Rodney's small couch and toeing off her shoes before sitting and pulling her legs up behind her.

Unsure what to say, John handed Rodney the wine, watching as Rodney turned the corkscrew. "There are glasses," Rodney said, looking toward the refrigerator.

"I'll get them," Keller said, rising and opening a small cupboard next to the fridge. 

John wondered when Rodney had gotten glasses. The last time they'd had wine together they'd shared the bottle.

Rodney filled a glass and Jennifer handed it to John, who watched as Rodney filled the remaining glasses before taking one from Keller.

"To friends," Keller said, raising a glass.

"To friends," John echoed, touching his glass to hers.

Bringing his glass to theirs, Rodney said, "To friends."

Keller was the first to drink. "This is good," she said, lowering her glass.

John took a sip. It was okay, a little too dry.

"I'd like to freshen up," Keller said, placing a hand on Rodney's arm as she passed him on her way to the bathroom.

The door closed behind her and Rodney looked at John. "Want to sit?"

"Sure."

They sat on the small couch, which seemed even smaller now that it was tucked into a corner to create room for the larger bed. Or maybe it was just the 'we're about to have weird, kinky sex' tension in the air. 

From the bathroom came the sound of a shower being turned on. 

"She takes short showers," Rodney said. "I think it's a doctor thing."

John nodded.

Rodney rubbed his hands together the way he did when he was nervous. "I never thought about this."

John frowned at him.

"The time before the sex," Rodney said. "When I thought about it, I skipped ahead."

That made sense. John hadn't thought about this either, but then he'd only had a couple of days to think about it at all. "You think about it a lot?"

Rodney shrugged, but his cheeks were pink.

"Nothing wrong with thinking," John said.

"No," Rodney said.

John downed the rest of his wine and Rodney handed him the bottle. John refilled both of their glasses. He wanted to ask what kind of things Rodney had thought about, but he hadn't had enough wine for that.

They drank in silence, which was fine with John. He was used to being silent with Rodney. He was pretty sure he was one of the few people who knew Rodney could be silent. As long as John didn't think about who was in the bathroom he was almost comfortable. 

It was impossible not to think about who was in the bathroom.

The shower stopped.

John glanced at Rodney.

Rodney glanced back.

Keller came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and carrying an empty wine glass. Stopping in front of Rodney, she leaned down to kiss him.

John looked away, even though given the circumstances he probably shouldn't. If he couldn't watch them kiss, he probably wouldn't be able to watch anything else, let alone take part.

"You're overdressed," Keller said to Rodney. John stiffened slightly, not that Rodney wasn't technically overdressed, especially compared to Keller, but John wasn't sure he was ready for a less-dressed Rodney. Or a less-dressed Keller for that matter.

"Yes, well--" Rodney said.

"John and I can't do fun things to you if your clothes are in the way. Can we?" Keller asked, looking at John.

Fun things to Rodney? John had assumed he and Rodney would be doing fun things to Keller, not that John was trying to get in Keller's towel. He'd only said yes because Rodney had asked, and John had a hard time saying no to Rodney when he asked. And now Keller wanted him to do fun things to Rodney. John swallowed and opened his mouth, but the sound that came out wasn't really a word. He cleared his throat. "No, we can't."

Rodney's flush deepened, but Keller gave John an approving smile. Climbing onto Rodney's lap, Keller kissed him again. It was slow and from John's perspective looked pretty hot.

Taking hold of Rodney's t-shirt, Keller tugged it up and over his head.

John had seen Rodney's bare chest before but never with a towel-clad woman on his lap, her slender hands making his shoulders appear even bigger, stronger. He watched, mesmerized, as Keller moved her hand down over the side of Rodney's biceps.

Rodney wasn't holding still. He'd tugged at Keller's towel, which was now hanging down behind her and had cupped one of her breasts in his hand.

Part of John wanted to look away. This was private. Invited or not, he shouldn't be seeing this. But another, stronger part, was captivated at the sight of Rodney's big hand caressing Jennifer, his thumb rubbing a pink nipple as Jennifer leaned in for another kiss.

It had been a long time since John had seen bare skin other than his own, even longer since he'd touched any. That was probably why when Jennifer held out her hand to him he lifted his own. Probably why he said nothing as she took his hand and pressed it to the center of Rodney's chest.

Rodney's skin was warm. There was hair beneath John's palm and fingers. Most likely it was soft, but to find out he'd have to move his hand, caress Rodney.

Pulling in a breath, John moved his fingers.

Rodney turned to look at him and John moved his whole hand. Rodney's hair was soft around his fingers. John grazed a nipple and Rodney made a small sound. When John circled the center with a single fingertip, Rodney locked his eyes on John's. Staring into them, John moved his finger back and forth over the tip.

He wondered if Rodney had imagined this. He certainly hadn't. If he had, he'd probably never have come.

Removing his hand from Jennifer's waist, Rodney reached toward John, his hand landing on John's knee.

John edged nearer and Rodney lifted his hand to tug at John's shirt. "You should take this off."

Shirt, right, he should take it off, because he was the one who was overdressed. Swallowing hard, John pulled his shirt over his head, dropping it to the floor. Rodney immediately moved his hand to bare skin, his palm resting against John's side while he moved his thumb back and forth. The unexpected sensation went straight to John's cock.

No one had said anything about Rodney doing fun things to him.

Jennifer leaned toward him but instead of the kiss he'd been expecting, her lips grazed his cheek. She smiled at him with that weird mix of innocence and mischief she had. Smiling back, John lifted a hand to her back, feeling a woman's skin beneath his hand for the first time in far too long.

"I knew this would work," Rodney said.

It hadn't worked yet, but John didn't say that. Instead he kissed Rodney's shoulder, because kisses were fun.

Rodney's eyes widened. "Can I –? Would you mind? Your lips, they look really soft and--"

John pressed his lips to Rodney's before his brain could come up with a reason not to.

For a moment they were both still, then something shifted, John had no idea what and he didn't care because they were kissing. It had been way too long since John had kissed anyone and Rodney kissed unabashedly. His enthusiasm caught John off-guard, but he dove in anyway, tasting Rodney, letting Rodney taste him, exploring, pressing instinctively closer.

The kiss ended almost as abruptly as it had begun and John found himself staring at Rodney, the words 'I kissed Rodney' running on a loop in his head.

A hand caressed his shoulder and John turned in the direction of the touch. Jennifer kissed him. Her kiss was lighter, softer, less certain. When she drew back, John gave her a small smile before leaning in and placed a series of small kisses along the side of her neck.

She gasped and John realized Rodney had taken one of her nipples into his mouth while one of his hands stroked John's back.

John slid his own hand over Rodney's chest. It should have been strange, feeling a firm, hairy pectoral muscle instead of a soft, smooth breast, but it wasn't. Before the lack of strangeness could freak him out, warm lips covered his and John decided to stop thinking, at least for a little while.

 

Slick fingers tangling with Rodney's John moved them in a slow circle, watching as Jennifer's eyes fell shut and a pleased sound escaped barely parted lips.

Pleasuring a woman with Rodney was good, really good, Rodney guiding his fingers, showing John what she liked, the two of them watching together as Jennifer responded, shifting her legs, arching her back, letting them touch her without shame or artifice.

Jennifer shuddered hard, her shoulders coming up off the bed. As she dropped back, Rodney's fingers left John's and a hand curled around his cock.

"Fuck," John said, hips pushing toward the touch.

Rodney's fingers were still slick and he left a trail of wetness on John's shaft as he slid his hand to the base. 

John wondered if knowing he was stroking John with Jennifer's fluids still on his fingers was turning Rodney on. It was working for John.

"This okay?" Rodney asked, voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah," John breathed. "Oh, yeah."

"Here," Jennifer said, reaching for him. "Lay down."

John laid down. Rodney's hand left him, but then Rodney moved to John's side and his hand returned. A second hand – Jennifer's hand – cupped his balls.

Groaning, John closed his eyes.

Rodney's touch was a little tentative, but that just made it better, more real. Jennifer wasn't caressing him as much as she was just holding his balls in her hand, rubbing a little with her thumb, a breast pressing into John's side.

Warm breath caressed his ear and then lips closed around the lobe. The touch was on the side where Rodney was and John wanted to let him know he liked it. He reached out without opening his eyes and his hand bumped Rodney's cock. Curling his fingers around it, John began to stroke.

"Not yet," Rodney said, letting go of John's cock and taking hold of John's wrist.

John had never forced a bed partner to do something she didn't want to do and the rules didn't change just because Rodney was a man. He let go.

Rodney's mouth covered his just as Rodney's hand curled back around him.

Hips shifting toward Rodney's touch, John wrapped a hand around the side of Rodney's neck and held him in place, kissing Rodney as if he could somehow transfer the pleasure Rodney's hand was giving him to Rodney's mouth.

Someone licked his nipple. Jennifer. Jennifer was sucking his nipple while he kissed her boyfriend and her boyfriend stroked John's cock. The whole thing was insane. Except it wasn't. It wasn't at all.

Rodney's hand passed over the ridge along the head of John's cock just as his tongue brushed John's.

It was too much and John came hard, hips jerking as his balls tightened and his cock pulsed, getting fluid on all three of them.

Rodney kept kissing and stroking, drawing it out until John had nothing left.

John breathed deep, trying to catch his breath.

"Come here," Jennifer said and John opened his eyes in time to see Rodney clamber over him until he was between John and Jennifer.

She kissed him before pressing a series of kisses to his chest as she shifted into position. It wasn't hard to see where she was going. John stared as her mouth closed around Rodney's cock.

Rodney made a quiet, pleased sound. It didn't surprise John that Rodney was quiet in his pleasure. 

Watching as Jennifer's lips slid lower, John wondered what Rodney's cock felt like in her mouth, how he tasted. She slid back up and John wondered if he could take Rodney deeper than she had.

"John," Rodney said and John shifted his gaze to Rodney's face.

Rodney looked like a man getting his cock sucked. Before he could wonder how he knew what a man getting his cock sucked looked like, Rodney had drawn him down into another kiss. John went willingly, lifting a hand to Rodney's chest so he could touch, too. Curly hair and smooth skin beneath his hand, a sweet tongue brushing against his own, even though he'd come it still felt good.

It felt even better when Rodney gasped and John drew back to watch as his mouth fell open, muscles shuddering against John's palm as he came.

When Rodney went slack against him, Jennifer rose from between Rodney's legs and stretched out over him. John leaned in and kissed her, tasting Rodney on her lips.

"Well," Rodney said after Jennifer had leaned down to kiss him as well. "I'd call that a success."

Normally John would've argued just for the sake of arguing, but when Rodney was right, he was right.

***

John took his time getting ready for breakfast. Maybe if he dawdled long enough Rodney and Keller – Jennifer, he reminded himself – Rodney and Jennifer would already be at work.

He'd left as soon as he could the night before. Afterglow with one person was complicated enough, no way had he been up to attempting two. But mornings after weren't a piece of cake either, especially when you'd messed up the afterglow, which John probably had.

Plus, John wasn't sure he'd be able to sit across from them and not think about Jennifer's breasts or Rodney's cock. The last thing he needed was to get hard in the mess during breakfast. People tended to notice that kind of thing.

Buttoning up his uniform shirt, John left it untucked just in case.

 

Rodney was sitting with Teyla and Kanann at the team's preferred table. Grabbing some milk and cereal John joined them. 

"Good morning, John," Teyla said as he sat.

"Morning," John answered, including Rodney and Kanaan in the greeting with a nod.

Rodney said something that might've been a greeting then went back to shoveling in his eggs, looking far less attractive than he had the night before.

Deciding he'd been worried for nothing, John picked up his spoon.

***

"The forest of Endor."

Rodney rolled his eyes.

"Come on, admit it," John said, nudging Rodney with his elbow. "This place looks just like it."

"Yes and when we find the Ancient ruins they'll be guarded by a tribe of teddy bears."

"Hey, those bears helped defeat the Empire."

"In a classic demonstration of a clever, resourceful preindustrial society triumphing over a technological one."

"Exactly," John said.

"Of course if they were that clever and resourceful they'd have had technology," Rodney said, passing under a branch without even having to duck.

"Maybe they didn't want it."

Rodney snorted and pointed to ten o'clock. "That way."

Grinning, John headed that way. A beautiful day in a quiet forest, Rodney to tease, days just didn't get better than this in Pegasus.

"So," Rodney said when they'd gone about a fifty yards. "The other night. You had a good time, right?"

John wasn't about to mention that he'd thought about it every night since, but he didn't want Rodney thinking he hadn't enjoyed himself. "Great time."

"So you'd be willing to do it again?" Rodney asked, still walking and not looking at John.

Doing something like that once was risky enough, on a regular basis the chances of one or the other of them doing something that would damage their friendship rose exponentially. John knew that. But he was a human being, and human beings don't always make decisions with their brains.

"Sure."

Rodney beamed, just as John had known he would, and John felt warmer, as though he'd stepped into a sunlit clearing. Except he was still in the shade.

***

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Rodney said, frowning at the table. Maybe the forks were supposed to be on the other side of the plate. Etiquette had never really been his thing.

"Yes, I'm sure." Resting a hand on his shoulder, Jennifer rose up onto her toes and kissed him. She was wearing a short, sleeveless dress that showed off her curves. Rodney was looking forward to helping her out of it.

Maybe John would be the one to help her out of it, while Rodney watched.

His cock started to stir and Rodney closed his eyes. How big a pervert was he that the idea of watching his closest friend undress his girlfriend turned him on?

The door chimed and Rodney went to let John in, even though he could simply have said, "come in." John was in tight jeans and a white shirt, sleeves rolled up. The shirt was almost sheer, hinting at what the open button at the top hadn't already revealed. John was hot. Rodney had known John was attractive. He had eyes and a sister who'd been more than happy to point out John's good looks, but Rodney had never seen John look like this. But then having sex had a way of making the abstract concrete.

"Rodney," John said.

"Right," Rodney said, stepping back so John could enter. "Come in."

"Hey, John," Jennifer said.

Holding up a bottle, John said, "I brought wine."

"Great. Thanks," Rodney said, taking it. There was no reason for him to be nervous, It wasn't as if they hadn't done this before.

"Shall we eat?" Jennifer asked and Rodney nodded. Eating would be good.

"We opened some wine earlier," Rodney said as they took their seats, "but we can open the other one if you want."

John shook his head. "It's fine. So, did you cook?"

"Yes, Jennifer and I are both gourmet chefs in our copious amounts of free time."

"Speak for yourself, Rodney," Jennifer said. "In med school, I became a master of the hot pot." Taking the lid off of the platter of steamed vegetables, she passed it to John. 

"Ramen?" John said.

"Yup."

Taking the vegetable platter, Rodney spooned some onto his plate and listened while they compared the merits of Ramen noodles and Campbell's soup.

 

It must've been the wine. By the time he was partway through his third glass, Rodney couldn't take his eyes off John's chest. That shirt didn't really hide anything, it just accentuated it. John had a lot to accentuate, at least Rodney thought he did. There had been so much to see and do last time that he hadn't really taken the time to just look at John naked.

He wanted to look.

John had finished eating and turned his chair to the side, one arm resting on the table as he toyed with his wine glass.

Since he was done, there wasn't any reason Rodney couldn't look. After all, that's what they were here for, looking and all the stuff that went along with it.

Rising from his chair, Rodney knelt in front of John and reached for the top button on his shirt.

"Rodney," John said.

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'd have thought that was obvious or have you managed to lose more brain cells in the last week?"

"None that I'm aware of."

"Good," Rodney said, moving on to the next button. His fingers felt impossibly big and John's buttons were ridiculously small, but with each one a little more of John was exposed. Rodney had no idea why but the idea of exposing John, seeing John, made him a little light-headed. Must've been the wine.

John didn't say anything more. He just sat there and let Rodney unbutton his shirt to reveal dark curly hair and warm-looking skin, with nicely shaped muscles. Leaning in, Rodney pressed a kiss to one of those muscles, catching a pectoral where it curved, remarkably sweetly, up from John's chest. 

Of course if he was going to kiss John's chest, he might as well kiss a nipple. There was hair all around it, but not too much, just enough. Rodney kissed it, then decided some suction might be better.

John made a small, but satisfying sound.

Pleased, Rodney sat back on his heals and looked. John's eyes were wide and he was staring at Rodney. The opened shirt accentuated everything even more than it had when it had been buttoned, and there was a bulge in John's jeans.

Rodney put a hand on the bulge and John sucked in a breath. John's cock was hard beneath his hand. He'd made John hard. Rodney slid his free hand up the middle of John's chest, watching the hair curl around his fingers.

Moving his hand to the side, he rubbed at the nipple he hadn't kissed.

John's eyes seemed to get even wider. 

Rising up onto his knees, Rodney pressed his lips to John's. John kissed him with more heat than Rodney had been expecting, but Rodney wasn't about to complain. He wasn't going to complain at all. Giving John's cock a squeeze, he deepened the kiss, matching John's heat with his own.

John was looking a little wild-eyed when they parted. Rodney suspected he was, too.

Taking hold of the button on John's jeans, Rodney opened them. Then he lowered the zipper, watching as John's cock pressed up towards him, stretching John's briefs.

Rodney was pretty sure white briefs had never been sexy before.

Unable to resist, he rubbed his cheek against John's cock, turning so that the heat of his breath passed over it. "Can we take these off?" he asked, tugging at John's jeans.

"Sure," John said and lifted his hips. 

It took both of them, but they managed to tug both pants and briefs down past John's knees. Resting his hands on John's thighs, Rodney stared at the cock rising up from the mass of dark curls. It was nicely formed, with a slight curve to the right and a sloping head. John was cut and there was a hint of fluid at the slit in the darkened tip.

Bending forward, Rodney licked the slit with the tip of his tongue. 

John gasped. The sound was hot, so hot Rodney wanted to hear it again. He wanted a lot of things. 

Parting his lips, he took the head of John's cock inside. It was smooth against his tongue and lips, solid. It felt good. Rodney sucked and John clutched at his shoulder. Rodney wasn't sure if John was trying to encourage him or stop him, but he wasn't about to let go, not unless John insisted. Sliding down, he took John deeper, as deep as he could without gagging, then he slid slowly back up, sucking the entire way.

John's fingers tightened, digging in to Rodney's skin, but he didn't try to stop him, and that was all the encouragement Rodney needed.

He found a rhythm, slow and steady, the kind Jennifer used on him.

Jennifer. Oh, god, Jennifer was watching him suck another man's cock. The thought of her seeing this, seeing him want this, made him even harder.

Wrapping a hand around the base of John's cock, he moved it in rhythm with his mouth.

John's hand slid through his hair. A caress. John had caressed him.

Rodney was so hard it hurt, but opening his jeans would have meant taking his hands off of John and Rodney wasn't going to do that, not yet.

Groaning, John let his legs fall open.

Focusing on the head, Rodney drew it back and forth in his mouth, going up and down, pressing it between tongue and palate, sucking with everything he had.

"Rodney," John said. A moment later his cock pulsed, filling Rodney's mouth with warm, salty fluid. Rodney could've let go, but he didn't. He swallowed, even though the taste wasn't that great. John filled his mouth again and again. Rodney swallowed every time, because it was better than letting go.

The pulses stopped and Rodney sat back. His lips were wet, and Rodney would have wiped his mouth, but he was too busy looking at John, who was looking at Rodney with something akin to amazement. Normally when people looked at him like that Rodney jumped at the opportunity to remind them of his considerable abilities and superior intelligence. Somehow that didn't feel like the right thing to do this time.

He was still trying to figure out what he should do when Jennifer knelt behind him, one hand sliding across his chest. Her other hand pressed against his erection through his jeans.

A quick rub across one of his nipples and both of her hands were at his jeans, opening them and reaching into his boxers to guide his cock free. 

He was completely dressed except for his cock, but that didn't stop Jennifer from stroking him.

John was staring at them, watching Jennifer's hand on him. It made Rodney feel like his pleasure was some sort of gift Jennifer was giving to John. He wanted it, wanted her to give him to John, all of him. He wanted John to give him back, wanted them to pass them back and forth until he wasn't sure whose arms he was in.

Sliding to his knees, John touched Rodney's lips with his fingertips. His eyes on Rodney's, he stroked Rodney's lower lip. Then he tilted his head. It seemed to take forever for John's lips to reach his. Rodney groaned when they did. Rodney groaned and John slipped inside, kissing him slow and sweet.

Jennifer kept touching him, doing everything she knew he loved over and over until he was flying and gasping and coming apart in their arms.

***

Rodney had always suspected John had a cruel streak. Now it was confirmed. There was no other explanation for why John was making Rodney follow him. Sure the path was only one person wide, and Ronon was the logical person to take point, but John could've taken their six instead of Teyla. He hadn't had to walk in front of Rodney. 

Not that they hadn't walked in exactly this order dozens of times, but that had been before Rodney had seen John's surprisingly pale ass naked. Naked and flexing as John moved in and out of Jennifer, and Rodney really was a pervert. 

Looking away, Rodney began reciting imaginary numbers in his head. 

John's ass was probably really smooth to the touch.

Maybe the next time they got together Rodney could find out.

***

"John's a bastard," Rodney said.

"Oh, really?" Jennifer asked, sitting next to him on the bed. 

"He made me walk behind him on the mission today."

Jennifer laughed. "You stared at his ass, didn't you?"

"It was right there."

"It is kind of mysterious looking," she said, resting a hand on Rodney's thigh. Very little about Rodney's body was mysterious. Rodney's body was like Rodney, hiding very little, but what it did hide was worth looking for.

Pointing at her, Rodney said, "Yes, exactly."

Jennifer slid her hand upward, under the leg of Rodney's boxers. "It turned you on."

"Maybe."

Jennifer's fingers slid over his balls. 

"Okay, yes."

Rising up onto her knees, Jennifer pulled her hand free and straddled Rodney's lap. Pulling her chemise up over head, she dropped it behind her. "Just as long as I still turn you on."

"You'll always turn me on," Rodney said, hands cupping her waist.

Looking into his eyes, Jennifer believed him.

***

Arching her back, Jennifer clutched at the sheets as John's tongue brushed against the side of her clit. 

Rodney was sucking on one of her nipples and he had her other breast in his hand. Jennifer loved Rodney's hands, the way he touched her, but right now she wanted more. Grabbing his cock, she tugged on it. Rodney must've gotten the message, because he moved so he was kneeling next to her head. His cock was right there.

Jennifer lifted her head, her lips closing around it.

Rodney moaned and rested a hand in her hair.

With John pushing her into one orgasm after another, she couldn't do more than suck. But that was okay, Rodney provided the motion they both needed, moving back and forth in her mouth with shallow strokes, giving her the sensation of being licked and fucked at the same time.

Rodney had been in this same position with John the week before, John blowing him while Jennifer rode John's cock. The sight of John's mouth on Rodney's cock had been enough to push over the edge.

There was an insistent buzzing coming from the other side of the room. Rodney tried to pull away, but Jennifer sucked harder, wanting to keep him just where he was, wanting to make him come for her, with her.

"I have to get that," Rodney said, and she reluctantly let go.

John sat up and they watched Rodney cross the room. Jennifer wondered if John appreciated the view as much as she did.

"They did what?" Rodney said into his radio. After a brief pause he followed that up with, "I left strict instructions on when and how the new programs were to be tested." Another pause. "Did you tell them they could be replaced with trained monkeys? Make that trained baboons. At least the baboons would follow orders." A final pause. "Yes, yes I'll be right there."

"What's up?" John asked when Rodney turned toward them.

"Newbies. Apparently they thought they'd impress me by field testing the new programming I asked them to write for the heating system. It's now ice cold in the botany lab. There are icicles on the cacti."

"Need any help?" 

"Strangling them? Only if you really want to." Picking up his pants, Rodney began to pull them on. "It's fine. You stay here. I'm sure the two of you can find something to do while I'm gone."

Jennifer watched him dress, her arousal fading with each piece of clothing he put on. 

Boots tied, Rodney stood and walked over to the bed. "I shouldn't be too long," he said, bending to kiss first her, then John.

Within moments, he was gone.

John looked at her.

She looked at John.

A few minutes ago, he'd had his tongue where not many others had, and she'd been thoroughly enjoying it. Now, as gorgeous as he was, she found her gaze slipping to the side, away from his.

"I should go with him, make sure he doesn't go looking for an Ancient device to turn them into baboons."

Jennifer nodded. Rodney could get carried away at times.

As John pulled on his clothes, Jennifer dropped back onto the bed and closed her eyes.

"I'm, um, I'm going to go," John said, jerking a thumb toward the door.

"Okay."

After a moment, he gave her a stiff kiss. Then he was gone, too.

John would've stayed if she'd been the one called away. Jennifer was certain of it. That John was in this for Rodney had been obvious from the beginning. It wasn't surprising; Rodney was easy to love.

As easy as he was on the eyes, it wasn't as easy with John. He was more reserved, private, distrustful. He kept the most vulnerable parts of himself tucked away. It was a trait Jennifer had never found attractive. She didn't like to work that hard.

But John with Rodney, that was another story. Even with her there, he was more open with Rodney. If she weren't there at all, he'd --

What? Let his need for Rodney show? 

Sliding her hand down over her belly, Jennifer wondered what that would look like, if John would hold onto Rodney, arms tight around Rodney's shoulders, let Rodney hold onto him in return. If they'd kiss without restraint, like in Brokeback Mountain, although lust seemed to be an easy thing for them. Tenderness would probably be more revealing.

Not that John couldn't be tender with Rodney. Jennifer had watched him touch Rodney's face, slide a hand into Rodney's hair, kiss him slowly. 

Jennifer slid her hand lower, between her legs, and focused on the image of them kissing, of their bodies pressed together.

Maybe John would slide his fingers into Rodney, the way she sometimes did. Or maybe, oh god, maybe Rodney would slide his fingers into John. And John would arch back, give it up for him, let Rodney push his cock where his fingers had been.

She came hard, bringing herself off again and again until her body relaxed into the bed, the last of her arousal gone.

Closing her eyes, Jennifer rolled onto her side. John was with Rodney right now, because he hadn't wanted to be with her. Even though he wasn't her type the rejection still stung.

Knowing Rodney loved him stung, too, but that was one of those things she was never going to admit, not to anyone.

***

Rodney was determined to ignore the beeping coming from the stand next to the bed. He was kissing Jennifer and he had John's cock in his hand, so really he had better things to think about. Besides, they'd been interrupted a couple of weeks ago, and once per month was enough.

"I think it's mine," Jennifer said, pulling away from him and reaching for her ear piece. "Keller here," she said, sliding it into place.

Sitting back, Rodney looked at John, who raised his eyebrows. John was the only person Rodney had ever known who could shrug with his eyebrows. 

"I'll be right there," Jennifer said. Turning to Rodney, she smiled regretfully, "Sorry, hon." Giving him a quick kiss, she climbed from the bed and began scooping up her clothes.

"Something wrong?" John asked, lifting himself onto one elbow.

"Nothing serious. Just a stomach bug, but we're a little understaffed tonight." Pulling up her pants, Jennifer zipped them before stretching her bra around her chest and hooking it. Bra and shirt in place, she picked up her jacket. "I'm not sure how long I'll be. You should continue without me." She kissed Rodney again, then John, then she was gone.

Rodney looked at John.

John looked back.

"I can--" John started.

"You don't have to," Rodney cut in. "Unless you want to."

"She could come back," John offered. "If it's just a stomach thing."

Rodney nodded. "Right. No reason for you to go yet."

"Right," John agreed.

Drawing in a breath, Rodney lifted his eyes to John's, which were kind of mesmerizing with all the different colors. Maybe someday Rodney would map them, figure out the percentage of each color. John was looking back, but Rodney wasn't sure why. His irises were one color.

"Are you going to do anything with that?" John asked, glancing at Rodney's hand, which was still holding on to John's cock.

"I probably should, shouldn't I?"

"If you really--" Rodney gave him a long, slow stroke -- "want to," John said with a small shudder in his voice.

Smiling, Rodney stretched out next to him on the bed, only to have John roll half on top of him, trapping Rodney's wrist between them and putting an end to any stroking. "I can't--" Rodney started.

"I know," John said and kissed him. John's kisses were laid back and intense at the same time, as if taking Rodney apart with his lips and tongue was something he had to do, but a little at a time, like maybe he had a week or two to finish the job. 

Rodney was willing to let John take as long as he liked. 

***

The light coming through the window was way too bright and John shifted away from it, tucking his face into the space next to Rodney's shoulder. 

"Hey," Rodney said.

"Hey," John answered, apparently Rodney wasn't up for scintillating conversation first thing in the morning either.

"It's after seven."

John had a meeting at 0800. He lifted his head. "I should get going."

Rodney nodded without looking at John. Maybe he wasn't sure what to do either. Last night had been good. Really good. Why hadn't anyone ever mentioned that two guys rubbing their cocks together could feel like that? John didn't want to think about the way he'd held onto Rodney, the things he'd said. The way he'd sucked Rodney's cock like it was the best thing he'd ever tasted.

Pushing off the covers, John picked up the nearest pair of boxers. They were Rodney's. His own were on the other side of the room. He'd have to get up to get them.

"I'm going to take a shower," Rodney said, walking past while John was pulling his pants on.

"Okay, I'll see you later."

"Right." Rodney disappeared into the bathroom, leaving John feeling vaguely disappointed. It wasn't as if it would've hurt Rodney to kiss him on his way by.

John was buckling on his holster when the bathroom door opened. Rodney was standing there, naked, toothbrush in hand and traces of toothpaste on his lips.

"Listen, I wanted to say that I'm glad you stayed."

"Me too."

Smiling, Rodney stuck his toothbrush into his mouth.

John turned to go.

 

It wasn't until he was partway through his meeting that he remembered that Keller hadn't come back last night. He should check in, make sure the stomach bug hadn't turned into something more serious. One thing John had learned living in Pegasus was that a virus was rarely just a virus.

***

One of these days the botanists would learn that alien plants did alien things – like give off spores that in turn gave off gas – but Jennifer wasn't taking any bets on when that would be.

The door to her quarters slid open and she stepped inside. No bath tonight, she'd probably fall asleep in it, but a hot shower--

"Where were you last night?"

Jennifer spun toward the voice. John was straddling her desk chair, arms resting on the back. Pressing her hand to her chest as if she could slow her racing heart, Jennifer said, "You startled me."

"You lied to Rodney and to me," John said, rising from the chair and walking toward her in a way that reminded her exactly who he was. He wasn't just John. He was Colonel Sheppard, and Colonel Sheppard had done some very unsettling things. 

"I spoke to Nurse Larson, wanted to make sure everyone was okay after last night's emergency, only there wasn't an emergency. Was there?"

"No," Jennifer admitted.

"Why did you lie to us?" John's face was unreadable. His hands were at his sides in a position that looked too carefully created to be truly relaxed.

"I wanted to give the two of you some time alone and I didn't think you'd go for it any other way."

"You wanted to give your boyfriend time alone in bed with someone else." He said it like she was weird for wanting to give Rodney that. Maybe she was.

"Yes."

"Why?" John took a couple of steps ahead and to the left and Jennifer turned so she was still facing him.

"That's not really any of your business."

"As the someone else, I think it is."

He had a point, but Jennifer had no idea how to explain it. "You know what life is like here, how short it can be."

John's expression became even more closed off. 

It had been a stupid thing to say. If anyone knew the risks of life in Atlantis, it was John. "Rodney loves you. I wanted him to know what it was like to spend a night alone with you. That's all."

"And you didn't think we'd go for it unless you tricked us," John said. He'd pulled himself up to his full height and he was looking down at her.

"Would you have?"

John looked away. "Is that why you suggested our little arrangement?" he asked, hands coming up to rest on his hips. He stood like that a lot and Jennifer thought maybe it was a sign he was relaxing a little.

Jennifer wondered how he knew it had been her suggestion, but she wasn't about to ask. "The first time Rodney and I had sex, he talked about you afterward. We were in a plane; you're a pilot; it kind of made sense. I didn't think anything of it then, but he talks about you all the time. You're mentioned in our bed so often I thought it'd be easier if you were just there."

"I'm sorry," John said, surprising her.

Looking into his eyes for the first time since she'd found him in her quarters, Jennifer shook her head. "Don't be. I've been where he is, loving two people, one of whom merely tolerates the other. It isn't fun. I never wanted him to feel like he had to choose."

With a small nod, John looked away. His expression had softened but she still couldn't read it. "Why did you say yes?" she asked, thinking this would probably be the only chance she'd get to ask.

There was a long pause and Jennifer wasn't sure he was going to answer. "Because he wanted it."

"What about what you want?"

He smiled and John was back, the colonel pushed into whatever corner John kept him. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"I'm sorry I tricked you."

"Call it even," John said, starting toward the door.

She let him go.

***

"Jennifer thinks we should spend some nights alone, you and I, I mean."

Needing to buy some time before he answered, John asked, "Is that what you want?"

"What do you want?" Rodney asked.

"I asked first," John said and took a drink of his beer, kicking his feet and watching the moonlight on the water. The pier really was the best place to hang out. Unless Rodney wanted to hang out in bed. Bed was a good place to hang out, too.

"I'd be willing, if you were," Rodney said. 

Feeling the tension between his shoulder blades give a little, John turned to look at Rodney. Rodney was sitting closer than he used to, so close that all John had to do was lean in a little. So he did.

It was a good kiss, kind of happy. Was it possible to have a happy kiss? John almost asked, but stopped himself when he realized the kind of reaction the question would probably get from Rodney.

"Can you ever answer with words?" Rodney asked, sounding not the least bit upset with John's answer.

"Sure," John said, shrugging a single shoulder and giving Rodney a smug smile.

"More than one."

"Sometimes."

With a shake of his head, Rodney cupped the back of John's neck in his hand and tugged him into a kiss.

***

Jennifer was sitting by herself at a back table near the windows. Lunch tray in hand, John started toward her, ignoring the welcoming looks from Lorne's table.

"Want some company?" John asked.

Looking up, Jennifer said, "Sure," and pushed her laptop aside.

"Lunchtimes are for eating, not working," John said as he slid into the seat across from her. 

"You sound like Rodney."

"Where do you think he got it?" Pointing at the laptop with his fork, John asked, "So what's got you working when you should be eating?"

"Evaluations, transfers, schedules, all the joyous details of administration." 

John nodded. He knew those details.

"I can't remember the last time I was in a lab," she said. "I don't know how Rodney does it."

"He loves being the boss."

"True." Picking up her sandwich and looking at it as if she couldn't decide where to bite first, she said, "So how do you do it?"

"The secret to leadership is delegation."

"Uh-huh."

"Honestly?" John asked, leaning toward her and looking around as if to make sure no one was listening.

Jennifer leaned as well.

John lowered his voice. "I do the administrative stuff first thing in the morning so it's out of the way and I don't have to think about it the rest of the day."

Tilting her head back, Jennifer laughed. Low and rich, it was a nice sound; John liked it. "I swear I won't tell anyone."

"See that you don't." Leaning back in his chair, John took a drink of his water and watched her bite into her sandwich. Considering the number of times he'd seen her naked, he knew next to nothing about her, other than she loved Rodney, was extremely smart and seemed to be a decent doctor. "So why did you become a doctor?"

After a small pause and a considering look, she said, "My father was a vet, specializing in large animals. I used to go with him on calls."

"Caught the healing bug, huh?"

Jennifer shook her head. "Decided I didn't want to stick my hands inside an animal that wouldn't know enough not to shit on me while I was doing it, and people rarely shit on you."

Her answer surprised a laugh from him. 

"Plus, I like science."

"Me, too."

"But you chose to fly."

"I liked planes more. And helicopters."

"Did you ever think you'd end up in space? I mean, did you want to be an astronaut?"

"Everybody wanted to be an astronaut."

"True." Leaning back in her chair, Jennifer picked up her apple. "I wanted to go to Mars."

John nodded. "I wanted to take a jumper there when we were back on Earth, but the SGC wouldn't let me, claimed there was too big a chance of being detected."

"Atlantis was parked next to the Golden Gate Bridge and they were worried about a jumper going to Mars?"

"That's what I said," John answered, pointing at her.

Jennifer bit into her apple, then glanced at her laptop. "I have to get back so Dr. Morris can take a break." Standing, she closed the laptop and tucked it under arm before picking up her tray. .

"Leave it. I'll take care of it."

"Thanks," Jennifer said, leaving the tray. 

"No problem." She turned away and John added, "Jennifer."

She looked back.

"Thank you for... you know."

"You're welcome."

Settling back in his chair, John focused on his lunch. The nice thing about salad was that it couldn't get cold.

***  
Things were good. They hadn't been attacked in months. Teyla and Kanaan were doing well. Ronon was happy. Rodney was happy. All of which made John content, satisfied, pleased with the world.

When he was feeling like this, it was hard to come up with the proper motivation for sparring with Marines. He just didn't feel like kicking anyone's ass, but letting them kick his wasn't an option. Digging into his reserves of stubbornness, John lifted his hands up to protect his face and narrowed his eyes, trying for intimidating.

"Colonel."

John turned toward the door and in that instant the private's fist connected with his jaw. 

"Sorry, sir," the private said as Jennifer jogged across the room toward them.

John rubbed his face. That was going to bruise.

"Are you all right?" Jennifer asked, taking his head in her hands and turning it so she could see where he'd been hit.

"Fine," John said, shaking her off. "What did you need?"

"Can I speak to you privately for a moment?"

"Sure."

Painfully aware of the looks they were getting from his men, John walked with her across the room and into the hallway. 

"My father's had a heart attack," Jennifer said.

Putting a hand on her arm, John asked, "Is he okay?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. I won't know until I get there."

"When are you leaving?"

"An hour."

"Is Rodney going with you?"

"No. He has work to do."

"Did you ask him?"

"He offered, but... I'd rather go alone."

John nodded. Wanting to deal with family stuff alone was something he got.

"I thought you should know I was going," Jennifer said. "You'll look after him, keep him from brooding or worrying too much."

"Sure. Anything else I can do?"

"No, but thanks." She turned to go.

"Have a safe trip," John said. It was a stupid thing to say, but John figured there probably wasn't a smart thing to say in a situation like this.

Catching his hand, she gave it a quick squeeze. Then she was gone.

***

"I should've gone with her," Rodney said, gazing into his soup and swirling the noodles around with his spoon.

"She wanted to go alone," John said.

"I know. I know. I couldn't even send Ronon this time."

"Ronon?"

Rodney nodded. "Zelenka could've fixed that shield, you know. There was no reason I couldn't have gone to Earth with you. Carter was just being stubborn."

The pieces clicked into place. "You couldn't go with me so you asked Ronon to go."

"I couldn't let you go to your father's funeral alone."

Warmed by more than the soup, John said, "Thanks, Rodney."

"You're welcome."

"You know what we haven't done in a long time?" John asked, because allowing Rodney to stare into his soup until it was cold wasn't exactly stopping him from brooding.

"What?"

"Raced."

Brightening visibly, Rodney looked up. "We haven't, have we?"

"Nope."

"You're easier to beat when you're out of practice."

"I could say the same thing about you."

Rodney filled his spoon. "As soon as I finish this, I'll show you who's out of practice."

***

"I'd forgotten how much fun this is," Rodney said.

Snorting, John bent to pick up his car. Rodney always seemed to have more fun when he was winning. 

Bending to pick up his own car, Rodney asked, "Why don't we do this anymore?"

John looked at him. "Our schedules don't exactly leave a lot of free time." Between the nights he and Rodney spent together, and the nights Rodney spent with Jennifer, and the nights the three of them spent together, there wasn't a lot of time for anything else.

"Right," Rodney said, face heating a little.

Falling into step, they started back toward the residential section. "It's good, right? The three of us, and the--" Rodney moved a hand toward John then back toward himself.

"Yeah, yeah it's all good." Why wouldn't Rodney think it was good?

"I keep having to pinch myself. Not literally, of course." Rodney stopped and John waited. Sometimes Rodney had to have space to talk himself 'round to the point. "I never thought I'd be the guy with two lovers."

"Why not?" John said, even though he knew why not. But if he asked then Rodney would have to see that the reasons he didn't see himself with two lovers had more to do with how people saw him -- how Rodney had wanted them to see him -- than who he was. 

"I--" Rodney started. Catching Rodney's gaze with his own, John held it. "Who really sees themselves with more than one person at a time?" Rodney said after a long moment.

"I think Ronon does," John said.

"Really?" Rodney asked. They'd reached John's quarters and Rodney followed him inside.

"Maybe."

"Huh." With a small shake, Rodney focused on John again. "You could end up with two lovers, if you met the right woman. Unless you wanted to end things between us."

"That's not going to happen," John said, setting his car on the table.

"If it does, I'd understand."

"Rodney," John said, taking the car from his hands and putting it on the table. Putting his hands on Rodney's waist, John stepped close enough to press a small kiss to Rodney's lips. "That's not going to happen."

"If it did--

"Rodney," John said, pulling him closer.

Rodney relaxed against him. "Okay."

***

"How's your dad?" John asked, stepping into Jennifer's office.

Putting the books in her hand into the box on her desk, Jennifer turned toward him. "He's doing okay."

"But you're still moving back to Earth."

"You spoke to Rodney."

"He's upset."

She knew he was upset. Jennifer didn't blame him. She was upset herself. "I know."

"He thought you were good together," John said, stepping closer and resting his hands on his hips. "So did I."

Jennifer picked up the next book in the stack. It had been Carson's. She put it down again, still searching for the words to explain her decision.

"It's not--" John waved his hand in an oddly Rodney-like gesture. "Me. Us. The three of us, because I can--"

Jennifer cut him off with a shake of her head. "No, you can't. Well, you probably can, but you shouldn't." Perching on the edge of her desk, she drew in a breath. "Rodney's ready for a commitment. He wants to know the person he wakes up next to will be there the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that."

"It's not like he's asking for a white picket fence."

"It might be easier if he were." If he wanted a white picket fence, Jennifer might be able to give him that. "This is his home, just like it's yours. But it's not mine. I don't want to live my life in a floating city under alien stars. What I've learned here can save lives back on Earth."

"You save lives here."

"Yes, but here I'm an ER doctor, a primary care physician, an administrator. I wear a dozen hats and the one that matters most is buried under all the others. I want to be in a lab, finding cures, saving lives, not writing personnel reports and schedules."

"I can talk to Woolsey."

"That's not all of it." Forcing herself to meet his gaze, she said, "The three of us, it's good now."

"I thought you said the three of us wasn't the issue."

"It's not, but if I stay it could become the issue." Standing, Jennifer took a step toward him. "You love Rodney. I love Rodney. Rodney loves us both. But you and I, we'll never be more than friends."

"I'd never try to get between you. You know that."

"Yeah," Jennifer said softly. "Yeah, I do. Doesn't... doesn't it bother you when Rodney and I spend the night together, just us? Don't you miss him?"

Shrugging, John looked away.

"Me, too."

"So I'll step back, out of the picture," John said. Jennifer wondered if he knew how strained his voice sounded.

"That won't change anything. Don't you get it? You can give Rodney things I can't. You love this place as much as he does, maybe more. And you're ready to settle down, too, get a white picket balcony railing or something."

"You can't just give him to me."

One side of her mouth turning up, Jennifer said, "Maybe I'm giving you to him."

"I don't think you can do that."

Watch me, Jennifer thought. "No," she said instead. 

"I'm not going to change your mind, am I?" John asked, spreading his arms.

Shaking her head, Jennifer stepped closer and John's arms wrapped around her. Slipping her arms around his waist, she rested her head on his shoulder. Leaving was the right thing to do. She knew that.

Just once, she wished doing the right thing could be easy.

***

Teyla and Ronon surprised John by turning up for Jennifer's departure. The four of them watched as Jennifer said her good-byes to her staff. Misery was radiating off of Rodney in waves, and John resisted the urge to take his hand.

Jennifer pressed her forehead to Teyla's. 

"I will miss you," Teyla said.

"Me, too," Jennifer said, and John could hear the tightness in her throat in her voice. "Write. Send pictures of Torren. Please."

"I will."

Ronon hugged her. Jennifer hugged back.

Then it was John's turn. "Take care of yourself," John said when she was standing in front of him.

She nodded. John shifted his gaze from her eyes, which were getting kind of liquid, and held out his arms. Jennifer hugged him tightly and John hugged back. They were friends, after all. "You deserve to be happy, too," Jennifer said quietly, then with a kiss to his cheek, she let him go.

John watched as she turned to Rodney, then looked away. Rodney's eyes were looking kind of full, too.

"I love you," he heard Jennifer say.

"I love you, too," Rodney answered, but he didn't ask her to stay.

John turned back in time to see the end of an intense looking kiss. 

Picking up her bags, Jennifer nodded at Chuck, who began dialing.

The gate lit up, and the wormhole opened. Jennifer looked back, tears dotting her cheeks, then she walked toward the gate. A few steps and she was gone.

John glanced toward Rodney, who was staring at the gate.

"We should get drunk," Ronon said.

"A team night would be nice," Teyla said, coming to stand next to John.

"You guys go ahead. I'm just going to-- " Rodney waved a hand to indicate what he was going to do. After six years of reading Rodney's sign language, John was pretty sure that wave meant hang out in my room alone and be miserable.

"Okay, but if you change your mind--" John said.

"You'll be the first to know," Rodney said, then he walked away.

Resting a hand on his arm, Teyla said, "He needs some time." 

The way she said it, John wondered if she knew, or suspected. "I know."

 

John went back to his room and tried to read. After an hour he changed into sweats and went for a run. 

Usually, the pounding of his feet could silence his thoughts, quiet any emotion, but it wasn't enough to take away the image of Rodney's face in the gate room. Maybe if he could find the rhythm, but he was running like he had two left feet and his chest felt weird. Tight. 

Rodney's quarters weren't on his route, but if he diverted down the hallway near the social science offices -- Rodney refused to call them labs-- then turned left. After all it couldn't hurt to check in.

Reaching the hall where Rodney's quarters were located, he slowed, reaching a walk a few feet from Rodney's room. But he didn't put his hand in front of the chime. Rodney had said he wanted to be alone, and John should respect that. 

On the other hand, Rodney was kind of like John, and John figured he might not know how to ask for comfort even when he wanted it.

Passing his hand in front of the chime, he waited.

When the door finally slid open, Rodney was in a robe with bubbles clinging to the side of his neck.

"You were in the bath?"

"Something wrong with a bath?" Rodney asked. 

"No," John said as he stepped into the room. "Did it help?"

"Not really," Rodney said, turning away. His shoulders were hunched, making John want to reach out and straighten them. "Want a beer?"

"Yes."

Rodney walked to his fridge and pulled out two bottles, handing one to John. Taking it, John sat on the couch.

"I keep going over it," Rodney said, sitting next to John. "But it doesn't make sense. How can she say she loves me and leave me?"

"I don't know." Taking a drink, John tried to decide what to say. I won't leave, or maybe, it gets easier. "She loves you, but sometimes people need other things, too."

"I'm not enough."

"I think you're enough," John heard himself say. Rodney was staring at him and John quickly added, "I shouldn't have said that." It was too soon. Jennifer hadn't even been gone five hours.

"Why not? It's not as if we haven't been--" Rodney gestured between them. "It was one of the things I was thinking about in the tub. You and me, if we should keep, you know."

Throat tightening, John asked, "What did you decide?"

"It's kind of a joint decision. It doesn't really matter what I want, if you don't--"

"I do," John said. "Want."

"Me, too."

Thank god, John thought. "If you need some time..."

"No. No time," Rodney said. "You know what it's like here. One or both of us could step through the gate tomorrow and not come back."

Even with the Wraith mostly in retreat, Pegasus was still mostly unknown, and the unknown was always dangerous. John nodded. They weren't going to waste time. The were going to be together. Every night maybe.

John put his hand over Rodney's. "Is there still water in that tub?"

"It's probably cold by now."

"We could let some out, add some hot water."

"We could," Rodney said.

"So what are we waiting for?"

"Nothing," Rodney said. Turning his hand so he was holding onto John's, he stood. "Come on."

John stood.

Rodney led him into the bathroom and refilled the tub while John undressed. 

Then they stepped into the tub together, and John found himself resting against Rodney's chest with Rodney's arms around him. 

It felt good and John wondered, just for a moment, if maybe this was what happiness felt like.


End file.
